The Green Worm's love

我有一位闺中好友，从小怕虫子。不论什么品种的虫子都怕。披着蓑衣般茸毛的洋辣子，不害羞地裸着体的吊死鬼，一视同仁地怕。甚至连雨后的蚯蚓，也怕。放学的时候，如果恰好刚停了小雨，她就会闭了眼睛，让我牵着她的手，慢慢地在黑镜似的柏油路上走。我说，迈大步！她就乖乖地跨出很远，几乎成了体操动作上的"劈叉"，以成功地躲避正蜿蜒于马路的软体动物。在这种瞬间，我可以感受到她的手指如青蛙腿般弹着，不但冰凉，还有密集的颤抖。

大家不止一次地想法治她这心病，那么大的人了，看到一个小小毛虫，哭天抢地的，多丢人啊！早春一天，男生把飘落的杨花坠，偷偷地夹在她的书页里。待她走进教室，我们都屏气等着那心惊肉跳的一喊，不料什么声响也未曾听到。她翻开书，眼皮一翻，身子一软，就悄无声息地瘫倒在桌子底下了。

从此再不敢锻炼她。

许多年过去，各自都成了家，有了孩子。一天，她到我家中做客，我下厨，她在一旁帮忙。我择青椒的时候，突然从旁钻出一条青虫，胖如蚕豆，背上还长着簇簇黑刺，好一条险恶的虫子。因为事出意外，怕那虫蜇人，我下意识地将半个柿子椒像着了火的手榴弹扔出老远。

待柿子椒停止了滚动，我用杀虫剂将那虫子扑死，才想起酷怕虫的女友，心想刚才她一直目不转睛地和我聊着天，这虫子一定是入了她的眼，未曾听到她惊呼，该不是吓得晕厥过去了吧？

回头寻她，只见她神态自若地看着我，淡淡说，一个小虫，何必如此慌张。

我比刚才看到虫子还愕然地说，啊，你居然不怕虫子了？吃了什么抗过敏药？

女友苦笑说，怕还是怕啊。只是我已经能练得面不改色，一般人绝看不出破绽。刚开始的时候，我就盯着一条蚯蚓看，因为我知道它是益虫，感情上接受起来比较顺畅。再说，蚯蚓是绝对不会咬人的，安全性能较好……这样慢慢举一反三；现在我无论看到有毛没毛的虫子，都可以把惊恐压制在喉咙里。

我说，为了一个小虫子，下这么大的工夫，真有你的。值得吗？

女友很认真地说，值得啊。你知道我为什么怕虫子吗？

我撇撇嘴说，我又不是你妈，怎么会知道啊！

女友拍着我的手说，你可算说到点子上了，怕虫就是和我妈有关。我小的时候，是不怕虫子的。有一次妈妈听到我在外面哭，急忙跑出去一看，我的手背又红又肿，旁边两条大花毛虫正在缓缓爬走。我妈知道我叫虫蜇了，赶紧往我手上抹牙膏，那是老百姓止痒解毒的土法。以后，她只要看到我的身旁有虫子，就大喊大叫地吓唬我……一来二去的，我就成了条件反射，看到虫子，灵魂出窍。

后来如何好的呢，我追问。依我的医学知识，知道这是将一个刺激反复强化，最后，女友就成了生理学家巴甫洛夫教授的例案，每次看到虫子，就恢复到童年时代的大恐惧中。世上有形形色色的恐惧症，有的人怕高，有的人怕某种颜色，我曾见过一位女士，怕极了飞机起飞的瞬间，不到万不得已，她是绝不搭乘飞机的。一次实在躲不过，上了飞机。系好安全带后，她骇得脸色刷白，飞机开始滑动，她竟嚎啕痛哭起来……中国古时的"一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳"说的也是这回事。只不过杯弓蛇影的起因，有的人记得，有的人已遗忘在潜意识的晦暗中。在普通人看来是微不足道的小事，对当事人来说，痛苦煎熬，治疗起来十分困难。

女友说，后来有人要给我治，说是用"逐步脱敏"的办法。比如先让我看虫子的画片，然后再隔着玻璃观察虫子，最后直接注视虫子……

原来你是这样被治好的啊！我恍然大悟道。

嗨！我根本就没用这个法子。我可受不了，别说是看虫子的画片了，有一次到饭店吃饭，上了一罐精致的补品。我一揭开盖，看到那漂浮的虫草，当时就把盛汤的小罐摔到地上了……女友抚着胸口，心有余悸地讲着。

我狐疑地看了看自家的垃圾桶，虫尸横陈，难道刚才女友是别人的胆子附体，才如此泰然自若？我说，别卖关子了，快告诉我你是怎样重塑了金身？

女友说，别着急啊，听我慢慢说。有一天，我抱着女儿上公园，那时她刚刚会讲话。我们在林阴路上走着，突然她说，妈妈……头上……有……她说着，把一缕东西从我的头发上摘下，托在手里，邀功般地给我看。

我定睛一看，魂飞天外，一条五彩斑斓的虫子，在女儿的小手内，显得狰狞万分。

我第一个反应是像以往一样昏倒，但是我倒不下去，因为我抱着我的孩子。如果我倒了，就会摔坏她。我不但不曾昏过去，神智也是从来没有的清醒。

第二个反应是想撕肝裂胆地大叫一声。因为你胆子大，对于在恐惧时惊叫的益处可能体会不深。其实能叫出来极好，可以释放高度的紧张。但我立即想到，万万叫不得。我一喊，就会吓坏了我的孩子。于是我硬是把喷到舌尖的惊叫咽了下去，我猜那时我的脖子一定像吃了鸡蛋的蛇一样，鼓起了一个大包。

现在，一条虫子近在咫尺。我的女儿用手指抚摸着它，好像那是一块冷冷的斑斓宝石。我的脑海迅速地搅动着。如果我害怕，把虫子丢在地上，女儿一定从此种下了虫子可怕的印象。在她的眼中，妈妈是无所不能无所畏惧的，如果有什么东西把妈妈吓成了这个样子，那这东西一定是极其可怕的。

我读过一些有关的书籍，知道当年我的妈妈，正是用这个办法，让我从小对虫子这种幼小的物体，骇之入骨。即便当我长大之后，从理论上知道小小的虫子只要没有毒素，实在值不得大惊小怪，但我的身体不服从我的意志。我的妈妈一方面保护了我，一方面用一种不恰当的方式，把一种新的恐惧，注入到我的心里。如果我大叫大喊，那么这根恐惧的链条，还会遗传下去。不行，我要用我的爱，将这铁环砸断。我颤巍巍伸出手，长大之后第一次把一只活的虫子，捏在手心，翻过来掉过去地观赏着那虫子，还假装很开心地咧着嘴，因为--女儿正在目不转睛地看着我呢！

虫子的体温，比我的手指要高得多，它的皮肤有鳞片，鳞片中有湿润的滑液一丝丝渗出，头顶的茸毛在向不同的方向摆动着，比针尖还小的眼珠机警怯懦……

女友说着，我在一旁听得毛骨悚然。只有一个对虫子高度敏感的人，才能有如此令人震惊的描述。

女友继续说，那一刻，真比百年还难熬。女儿清澈无瑕的目光笼罩着我，在她面前，我是一个神。我不能有丝毫的退缩，我不能把我病态的恐惧传给她……

不知过了多久，我把虫子轻轻地放在了地上。我对女儿说，这是虫子。虫子没什么可怕的。有的虫子有毒，你别用手去摸。不过，大多数虫子是可以摸的……

那只虫子，就在地上慢慢地爬远了。女儿还对它扬扬小手，说"拜……"

我抱起女儿，半天一步都没有走动。衣服早已被黏黏的汗水浸湿。

女友说完，好久好久，厨房里寂静无声。我说，原来你的药，就是你的女儿给你的啊。

女友纠正道，我的药，是我给我自己的，那就是对女儿的爱。

I had a close friend who grew up afraid of b All kinds of bare afraid. The hanging ghost, clad in coir raincoat, naked and unabashedly, is equally afraid. Even the worms after the rain. After school, if the light rain just stopped, she will close her eyes, let me hold her hand, slowly in the black mirror-like asphalt walk. I said, Stride! She obediently stepped out of the distance, almost turning into a gymnastic "split" to avoid the Mollusca that was snaking down the road. In those moments, I could feel her fingers bouncing like frog legs, not only cold, but thick with trembling. On more than one occasion, people tried to cure her. How humiliating it was to see a tiny caterpillar crying! One day in early spring, the boy slipped the falling flower into the pages of her book. When she came into the classroom, we all held our breath for that jumpy cry, only to hear nothing. She opened the book, eyelid turned, a soft body, quietly collapsed under the table. Never again would I dare to exercise her. Over the years, each had a family and children of his own. One day, she came to my house as a g, and I cooked while she helped. When I choose green pepper, suddenly from the side out of a green worm, fat as broad beans, back with clusters of black thorns, a good sinister insects. Because of the accident, afraid of the insect sting, I will subconsciously half a bell pepper like a grenade fire thrown far away. When the bell pepper stopped rolling and I killed the bug with insecticide, I remembered my bug-shy girlfriend, thinking that she had been staring at me all the time and that the bug must have gotten into her eyes, you Didn't hear her scream, did you pass out from fear? Looking back for her, she looked at me coolly and said, a little bug, why so flustered. I was more shocked than when I saw the bug and said, "Oh, you're not afraid of b"? What kind of allergy medicine did you take? My girlfriend smiled wryly and said, "Are you afraid?". It's just that I've gotten so good at it, most people wouldn't know the difference. In the beginning, I stared at an earthworm, because I knew it was a good worm, emotionally accepted more smoothly. In addition, earthworms are absolutely not biting, the safety performance is better... so slowly, I see no hair of the worm, I can put the fear of oppression in the throat. I mean, that's a hell of a lot of work for a bug. Was It Worth It? Seriously, girlfriend, it was worth it. Yoow why I'm afraid of b I pd my lips and said, I'm not your mother, how should I know! My girlfriend patted my hand and said, you're on to something. The fear of insects is about my mother. When I was a kid, I wasn't afraid of b Once my mother heard me crying ode, rushed out to see, the back of my hand is red and swollen, next to two big flower caterpillars are slowly crawling away. My mother knew I was called the insect sting, quickly put toothpaste on my hands, that is the common people stop itching detoxification local law. From now on, whenever she sees a bug next to me, she yells and scares me... One Way or the other, I'm a Classical conditioning. I see a bug, I'm out of my body. How well did it turn out, I asked. To the best of my medical knowledge, I knew it was a stimulus that was repeatedly reinforced. Eventually, my girlfriend became a case study in the case of the physiologist professor Ivan Pavlov, who, every time she saw a bug, reverted to her childhood fears. There are all kinds of phobias in the world. Some people are afraid of heights, some people are afraid of certain colors. I once met a woman who was so afraid of the moment a plane took off that she would never take it unless she had to. I couldn't avoid it once. I got on a plane. After she fastened her seat belt, her face turned white with fear, the plane began to slide, and she b into tears... the ancient Chinese saying "Once Bitten, ten years afraid of Well Rope" is the same thing. Only the cause of the cup bow Snake Shadow, some people remember, some people have forgotten in the darkness of the subconscious. A trifle to the common man, a trifle to the sufferer, a trifle to the sufferer, a trifle to the healer. "

< p > girlfriend said, then someone to treat me, said it was "gradually desensitization" approach. For example, let me look at a picture of a bug, then through the glass to see the bug, then directly at the bug... so that's how you were cured! I had an epiphany. P-p-hey! I didn't even try. I can not stand, let alone to see the picture of Worms, once to a restaurant to eat, on a can of delicate tonic. As soon as I lifted the lid and saw the floating cordyceps, I dropped the can of soup on the floor... my girlfriend stroked her chest and spoke with a feeling of fear. I looked incredulously at my trash can, where the corpses of insects lay. Had My girlfriend been so poised because someone else had dared to take her place? I mean, come on, tell me, how did you get your body back? My girlfriend said, "Don't worry, just listen to me.". One day, I was carrying my daughter to the park, and she was just starting to talk. We were walking along the Linyin Road when all of a sudden she said, Mom... There's... Something on my head... and she said, taking a lock of stuff out of my hair, holding it in her hand, and showing it to me like a credit. I fixed my eyes and saw, beyond the sky, a multicolored insect, in my daughter's small hands, it looked very ferocious. My first reaction was to faint as usual, but I couldn't because I was holding my baby. If I Fall, I'll break her. Not only have I never fainted, but I've never been more sane. The second reaction was to cry out in a fit of rage. Because you're bold, you may not appreciate the benefits of screaming in fear. It's actually great to be able to scream, it releases a high level of tension. But then it occurred to me, "Don't you dare.". When I yell, I scare the hell out of my kids. So I managed to swallow the exclamation that hit the tip of my tongue, and I g my neck must have swelled up like an egg-eating snake. Now, a worm is close at hand. My daughter ran her fingers over it as if it were a cold, gorgeous stone. My mind raced. If I was afraid and threw the bug on the ground, my daughter must have gotten the horrible impression of the bug. In her eyes, mother is omnipotent and fearless, if there is something to scare her like this, then this thing must be extremely terrible. I've read a few books about it, and I know that my mother used it, to make me grow up so terrified of tiny things like b Even as I grew up, I knew in theory that little bwere nothing if not poisonous, but my body did not obey my will. My mother protected me, but in an inappropriate way, she instilled a new kind of fear in me. If I scream and shout, then the chain of fear... will continue to be passed on. No, I will break this ring with my love. I held out my trembling hand, and for the first time as an adult, I held a live worm in my hand, turned it over and looked at it, and pretended to grin with delight, because -- my daughter was staring at me! The worm's body temperature was much higher than my fingers, and its skin was scaly, and in the scaly part of it was a little bit of wet fluid, and the hairs on the top of its head were waving in different directions, eyes smaller than the tip of a needle, alert and timid... my girlfriend said, I listened to the side of the hair-raising. Only someone with a high level of bug sensitivity could have come up with such a shocking description. The girlfriend went on, that moment was worse than a hundred years. My Daughter's unblemished eyes covered me, and I was a god before her. I couldn't hold back, I couldn't pass on my morbid fears to her... I don't know how long it took me to put the worm gently on the ground. I said to my daughter, this is a bug. Bare nothing to be afraid of. Some bare poisonous. Don't touch them. However, most bare touchable... The bug slowly crawled away from the ground. My daughter waved her little hand at him and said, "bye..." I picked up my daughter and didn't move a step for half a day. The clothes were already wet with sticky sweat. She said, for a long, long time. There was no sound in the kitchen. I mean, your daughter gave you those pills. "My Medicine," she corrected, "I gave it to myself. It was love for my daughter.".

标题: 青虫之爱
作者: 毕淑敏
字数: 2597
简介: 我有一位闺中好友，从小怕虫子。不论什么品种的虫子都怕。披着蓑衣般茸毛的洋辣子，不害羞地裸着体的吊死鬼，一视同仁地怕。甚至连雨后的蚯蚓，也怕。