憋出内伤了哈哈哈[笑cry][笑cry]
[To suppress internal injuries the ha ha ha [laugh cry] [laugh cry]]
微博搞笑中心！每天搜罗最搞笑最好玩的微博。关注我，获得每日新鲜笑料！（欢迎合作，投稿）↖(^ω^)↗
金山夜话博主：#金山夜话# 听友：我曾患有精神分裂症，现在基本和正常人无样！现在谈了男朋友，除了家庭不如我家，但对我很好！他知道我的病并不嫌弃！可是同事不知道，她们说他配不上我！心里就会摇摆！我自己也没主见！我是一被人说动就行动的人，不思考！最后老改变主意～所以我被同事说我可以找到更好的，我就对...全文： m.weibo
[# # jinshan night listening to a friend I once had schizophrenia, basic and normal sample now! Now talk about the boyfriend, in addition to the family than my home, but very good to me! He knew my disease does not abandon! But colleagues dont know, they said that he dont deserve me!!!!!!! In the mind will swing! I myself have no definite view! I am a man of a action was persuaded, not thinking! Finally by colleagues change old mind ~ so I said I can find a better, I have to... The full text m. eibo]
首届中国广电“台帝”，《金山夜话》主持人，记者，作家，著名情感问题专家
新沐sunshine：@坚决不吃姜 @鸿雁在云鱼在水chris @爱吃的小西瓜nb
[@ resolute dont eat ginger @ hong yan in a cloud of fish in the water, Chris @ small love to eat watermelon to nb]
凡心所向，素履所往，生如逆旅，一苇以航
南方都市报：【你家蛙仔在广州有路了[允悲]】“省实有省实路，执信有执信路，广雅有广雅路，凭什么我们堂堂广外外校却有一条蛤乸田路？”近日，广州市广外附设外语学校的师生们为学校旁边一条新取名“平沙蛤乸田”的路闹翻天了，不少师生认为此路名太奇葩。有同学称，“蛤乸，就是癞蛤蟆了，难道以后我们要被人称作...全文： m.weibo
[【 your frog wang in guangzhou have road [allow sad]] province actual real road, cover letter cover letter road, guang ya guang ya road, why should we open this finally has a clam produce entrance? Recently, the guangzhou this attached to foreign language school of teachers and students for the school next to a new name field pingsha clam produce way skywarp, many teachers and students think that the road is too wonderful work. Have a classmate said, after clam produce, is the toad, are we to be known as... The full text m. eibo]
欢迎关注南方都市报官方微博
冷笑话精选：动物之间都是这么打架的？
长颈鹿你是要笑死我吗[允悲]
tRQsPcT
[Is such a fight between animals? < br > giraffes do you want to laugh die me? [allow sad] < br > tRQsPcT]
毒舌嘴贱会吐槽，颜正腿长一米八，八块腹肌的冷哥就是我！
青年时报：【杭州一派出所接警大厅雪夜收到陌生外卖披萨，什么情况？】今天凌晨，一名外卖小哥将两份披萨直接送进了杭州某派出所接警大厅。值班民警正忙于手头工作，见到外卖小哥一脸诧异。“我们没有点外卖，是不是送错了？”“这是一个女士点的外卖，送给你们的。”外卖小哥解释后，将外卖放下便走了……...全文： m.weibo
[【 hall called hakodate received strange in a police station in hangzhou takeaway pizza, what circumstance? Today early morning, a little elder brother will be two pizza delivered directly taken to a police station in hangzhou called the hall. The police on duty are busy at work, seeing take-out little elder brother a face of surprise. We dont have some take-away, isnt it wrong? This is a lady some takeout, sent to you. Take-away little brother explanation, drop your takeaway goes... ... The full text m. eibo]
新闻热线： 工作沟通、广告合作请联系微信：Alex
优酷：#优酷最强大脑#@王力宏 的复古风日常！深邃的眼窝、清澈又电力十足的眼神，真是帅到心坎里了！“二哥”，你这么完美真的不犯规么？乖巧坐等今晚优酷的#最强大脑#~ @OurHome王力宏歌迷会 @王力宏工作室 @宏館HomMate
[# youku brain # @ wang strongest wind restoring ancient ways everyday! Deep eyes, clear and power full of eyes, its handsome to my heart! The second brother, you are so perfect really didnt foul? Clever wait for tonights youku strongest brain # # ~ @ OurHome wang fanclub @ wang studio @ HomMate macro pavilions]
新浪汽车：#大爱燃擎#紫薇的眼睛究竟因何而瞎？秀念大师兄究竟为何被撞身亡？陈海又怎么遭受了万点暴击？关宏峰又为什么在雪地里撞车？这背后，到底是对车技的自信，还是对交规的忽视？敬请关注，本期大爱燃擎之影视交通安全篇！tRQsvYtK
[# # love with crape myrtle eyes blind for what? Show read master elder brother why be bumped dead? Chen hai was how to suffer more than crit? Why does GuanHongFeng crash in the snow? Behind it, exactly is the confidence extremely, or to ignore traffic rules? Stay tuned, film and television traffic safety first part of this great love burning with! tRQsvYtK]
最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。
微博汽车：拆冠道了！拆车看着就过瘾……
[Tear open crown way! Down the car looking at is enough...]
这个官微有意思，有车没车不重要，带你装逼带你飞
新浪汽车：既然准备带T，就别阉割了QAQ[摊手]
[Now that is going to take T, dont castrated QAQ [stand hand]]
最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。
easy-forex中文网：easy forex易信：美元持续走弱，反弹后预计持续走弱 - - Easy-Forex中文网 tRQFFEAv
[Easy forex easecredit the dollar weakening, rebound is expected to continue -- -- easy weaker forex Chinese tRQFFEAv]
easy forex（易信）中国区官方网站easy-forex-china
猫扑：就下就挨打[允悲]tRQkakPP （视频： @土味老爹 ）
[Bottom is beaten [allow sad] tRQkakPP (video @ earthy]
猫扑网唯一指定官方微博。私信开放投稿、爆料。商务合作：qq：
青年时报：【怀孕女子吵架后离家冻晕在钱塘江堤上，多亏民警和热心市民救援！】今早点半，市民马先生发现妻子离家出走，不知去向。看着外面厚厚的积雪，而且妻子还怀孕了，马先生报警求助。民警立即赶过去帮忙搜寻，一个多小时后，有热心市民发现一名女子昏倒在钱塘江边，便一直守候在一旁。民警带着马先生赶去...全文： m.weibo
[The pregnant woman cold dizzy from home after the quarrel in the qiantang river, pangde, thanks to the policeman and warm-hearted citizens relief!] Citizens at this morning, Mr. Ma found his wife ran away from home, whereabouts unknown. Looked at the thick snow outside, and his wife is pregnant, Mr. Ma call the police for help. Police immediately drove over to help search, after more than an hour, a warm-hearted citizens found a woman fainted in the qiantang river, has been waiting for you. Policeman hurried with Mr Ma... The full text m. eibo]
新闻热线： 工作沟通、广告合作请联系微信：Alex
优酷：人生乐在相知心。徐克与吴宇森长达三十余年的友谊虽有过波折，但岁月已将那些过往镀上了特别的温柔光芒，只剩相知相惜依然流淌。本期#晓说#，高晓松继续与徐克导演、吴宇森导演说说香港电影江湖那些事，也聊聊他们之间令大紧直呼感动的兄弟情。tRQFtPV
[Life in the bosom. Tsui hark friendship with John woo lasted for more than thirty years despite twists and turns, but those years have past plating on a special gentle light, only to know pity is still flowing. This # # xiao said, gao continues with director tsui hark, director John woo jianghu those things about Hong Kong films, also talk about big close call between them moving brotherhood. tRQFtPV]
龙腾出行官方微博：#让旅行信手拈来#C U in days！@中国银行信用卡
岁前，去实现环游世界的梦想吧！
埃菲尔铁塔、时代广场、双子塔、金字塔……世界那么大，不愿错过每处精彩！
有这张信用卡在，环球旅行信手拈来！
想知道这是一张什么样的信用卡？先说出你的旅行新年心愿吧！tRQFcwlN
[# make travel hand # C U in days! @ before the age of < br > of credit card of bank of China, to realize the dream of traveling around the world! < br > the Eiffel Tower, times square, the twin towers, the pyramid... The world so big, dont want to miss every good! < br > in, have this credit card to travel around the world at random! < br > want to know this is a what kind of credit card? Tell your travel first New Year wishes! tRQFcwlN]
龙腾出行拥有国内覆盖最广、规模最大的出行服务网络，提供机场高铁贵宾室、礼宾车、要客通等高端出行服务。
汽车之家：#家家汽车文化##凯迪拉克#【《逆時光》凯迪拉克Brougham修复 Vol.】两个月之前我在第一季里就说：《逆時光》·奔驰 E的剩余内容交由冉哥完善，我准备找下一台车了。之所以拖这么长时间，个中原因我也没法一一解释，总之先给各位读者赔个不是！找车之前我先就车型选择询问了领导意见，站长说随我大小...全文： m.weibo
[# # # # every auto culture Cadillac [the inverse time Cadillac Brougham repair Vol. 】 two months ago I said in the first quarter, the inverse time the remainder to the RanGe Benz E is perfect, Im going to find the next car. Is so long, why I cant explain, in general readers first to compensate is not! Before finding the car I models choose to ask the leadership opinion, master said size with me... The full text m. eibo]
汽车之家为广大汽车消费者提供买车、用车、养车及与汽车生活相关的全程服务，以全面、专业、可信赖、高互动性的内容，多层次、多维度地影响最广泛的汽车消费者，是中国最具价值的互联网汽车营销平台。
新沐sunshine：早五点起床收拾，六点二十六出发，七点正式开始。十二点半结束。吃饭收拾回家😴好咸的午饭
[ set out early to get up at five, six, seven officially started. Twelve and a half over. 吃饭收拾回家😴好咸的午饭 ]
凡心所向，素履所往，生如逆旅，一苇以航
微博搞笑排行榜：从前有座山，山里有座城，城头一群人，搞起火锅香喷喷！前几天，国民婆婆@胡可 携安吉小爷踢馆火锅店，创新出牛奶火锅，现场还科普了A蛋白质和a奶牛的变迁？@a白金奶粉 真勒把我馋安逸咯~戳视频，你们自己看→_→#胡可踢馆火锅店# tRQBaNb ，不能让我一个人馋！
[Once upon a time there was a mountain, the mountain city, ChengTou a group of people who became hot pot delicious! A few days ago, the national mother-in-law @ hu can be play hall hotpot restaurant with anji little ye, innovation the milk pot, the scene also science A protein and the change of A cow? @ a platinum milk powder Really, I admire ease cough up ~ stamp video, you see - _ - # # hu can be play hall hotpot restaurant tRQBaNb, cant let me a person! ]
微博搞笑中心！每天搜罗最搞笑最好玩的微博。关注我，获得每日新鲜笑料！（欢迎合作，投稿）↖(^ω^)↗
李开复：#冬季达沃斯# 发布了头条文章：《李开复达沃斯见闻（Ⅴ）：欧美应向中国市场学习这四点》 tRQFDmXD
[# # winter davos released the headline lee davos experiences (Ⅴ) Europe and the United States should learn from the Chinese market at four o clock this tRQFDmXD]
创新工场CEO，媒体联系：press@chuangxin
南方都市报：【郑州执法局回应“城管‘抽梯’致一广告牌安装工坠亡”：涉事队员已被停、免职】近日，一则“郑州城管把梯子抽走造成一广告牌安装工坠亡”视频引发关注。日，郑州航空港区综合执法局回应称，经调查，当日广告牌安装属违规施工，执法人员将施工使用的三轮车和梯子暂扣，后一名施工人员从楼顶部顺着绳...全文： m.weibo
[[zhengzhou enforcement response chengguan smoke ladder to a billboard erector dropping dead the involved players have been stopped, dismissal 】 recently, a zhengzhou urban management made the ladder away a billboard installation workers fell from video cause attention. Comprehensive law enforcement bureau, zhengzhou aviation port responded that after investigation, the billboard installation belong to illegal construction, law enforcement officers will construction using the tricycle and withholding the ladder, after a construction personnel along the rope from bottom of the roof... The full text m. eibo]
欢迎关注南方都市报官方微博
新浪汽车：#出行生活# 你是喜欢“高亢嘹亮”的声浪，还是喜欢“低沉浑厚”的声浪[并不简单]
[# # travel life do you prefer loud, or vigorous low of [] are not simple]
最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。
优酷：#爱的时差##优酷粉综艺#小鲜肉@KH陳玉軒 细心周到，连室友也超级nice！！饭桌上主动打破尴尬，开启花式“捧友”模式，帮陈玉轩树立爱干净、勤快体贴的乖巧男友形象，而@宁静 却回应“太可怕了”吓坏室友了！[偷笑] [偷笑]
tRQkBMyE
[Time # # # love # youku powder variety small meat @ KH Chen Yuxuan Thoughtful, even the super nice roommate!!!!! The table take the initiative to break the embarrassment, open fancy hold friends mode, and helped establish Chen Yuxuan love clean, diligent and considerate clever boyfriend image, whereas @ quiet response terrible was a roommate! [laughing] [laughing] < br > tRQkBMyE]
猫扑：【安徽一中学教师在微信群说脏话被批公开辱校，学校：违反师风】“工资越来越少，物价越来越高，我滴孩来，各种扣，尼玛，老师够可怜的了，还各种扣。”日上午，安徽颍上县颍上一中教师林仁波于学校微信群内发布了上述文字消息。两个小时内，学校印发文件：对林仁波予以全校通报批评，取消其高一年级...全文： m.weibo
[【 in anhui province, a high school teacher in micro letter group of swearing by batch public disgrace to the school, the school, in violation of the strengthen 】 pay less and less, the price is higher and higher, I drop him to, all kinds of buckles, nima, the teacher is poor enough, also various buckle. On Monday morning, anhui innovative county no. middle school teachers on innovative Lin Renbo school micro letter in the same group released the above text messages. Two hours, the school issued by the file the school notified to Lin Renbo criticism, cancel its high grade... The full text m. eibo]
猫扑网唯一指定官方微博。私信开放投稿、爆料。商务合作：qq：
微博汽车：#大V聊车# 轮毂设计非常好看，车灯看不懂，内饰太奢了太奢了太奢了！后备箱不实用，当然这么奢的车，还要啥自行车！动力嘛……只能说你开心就好了……[摊手]
[Big V # # about car wheel hub design is very good-looking, lights dont understand, interior trim too much too much too much! Trunk is not practical, of course, such a luxury car, but also what a bicycle! Power...... Can only say that you are happy is good... [stand hand]]
这个官微有意思，有车没车不重要，带你装逼带你飞
张亚勤：转发微博
[Forwarding microblogging]
“夫英雄者，胸怀大志，腹有良谋，有包藏宇宙之机，吞吐天地之志“
张亚勤：的确把技术和产品做好最重要
[Does the technology and products to do the most important]
“夫英雄者，胸怀大志，腹有良谋，有包藏宇宙之机，吞吐天地之志“
张亚勤：原文是： There is indeed some bubble on AI now, but AI is real and transformative
[ There is indeed some mercifully on AI now, but the AI is real and transformative]
“夫英雄者，胸怀大志，腹有良谋，有包藏宇宙之机，吞吐天地之志“
张亚勤：转发微博
[Forwarding microblogging]
“夫英雄者，胸怀大志，腹有良谋，有包藏宇宙之机，吞吐天地之志“
CSDN：#企业拉新吐槽大会# 开始啦！企业发展难免拉新促活，作为运营程序员产品经理技术的你，有木有遇到奇葩事情哭笑不得 or 气到怀疑人生？我们准备了吐槽平台，即日起关注@移动认证 ，参与猫眼观影资格抽奖，年轻人，尽管说，月号约定你！
[New poking fun at the conference # # enterprises start! Inevitably pull new promote enterprise development, as operating programmers technical product manager, you have wonderful work things in distress situation or gas to doubt life? We prepared a speech platform focus @ mobile certification from now on, to participate in the cats eye viewing qualification lottery, young people, although said that in contract for you! ]
全球最大中文IT技术社区CSDN。
小野妹子学吐槽：“生不生孩子是一个人的权利而非义务！”“不要用自己的价值观评价别人！”“社会上存在着各种各样的人，没有必要大家都变成一个样子啊！”
[Life not to have children is ones right but not the obligation! Dont judge others by our own! There are all kinds of people, in society there is no need for a everyone like! ]
图文多转自日文推特，附以无责任吐槽。关注后易节操丧失、下限消亡、性向逆转、生理失调。
优酷：what？原来武力裁决所＝舞力裁决所！？#终极一班#编剧真！的！有！毒！知道真相的优酷君要笑岔气了[哈哈] [哈哈] [哈哈]
[What? The original force decisions = dance by force! ? # #d writers really! !!!! There are! Poison! To know the truth of youku king to stitches (ha ha) (ha ha) (ha ha)]
微博汽车：【再不买就亏了？补贴政策变革“前夜”，多地新能源汽车现集中上牌热！】工信部表示，新能源汽车补贴将分段平稳退坡，到年全面退出，新能源汽车产业也将由政府驱动转向市场驱动。在此背景之下，从去年底开始，全国不少地方出现了新能源汽车集中上牌热。据了解，北京的新能源汽车销售一条街上，每家...全文： m.weibo
[【 dont buy lost? eve subsidy policy change, the more new energy vehicles is the centralized registration heat!] Miit said the new energy vehicles benefits will be piecewise smooth TuiPo, comprehensive exit to the year, the new energy automotive industry will be driven by the government to market driven. In this context, since late last year, the national many places where the concentration of new energy vehicles registration. It is understood that Beijings new energy automobile sales street, every... The full text m. eibo]
这个官微有意思，有车没车不重要，带你装逼带你飞
MIUI：#MIUI每周更新#第 周更新公告
① 米币中心优化礼券页面改版
② 小米钱包新增小米公交自动充值功能...
关于#MIUI#，你还期待哪些更新？[太开心]
[# # beautiful MIUI weekly update in the first weeks notice < br > < br > m COINS center optimization coupon page version < br > () new millet millet purse bus automatic prepaid phone function... < br > < br > about # MIUI#, what are you also looking forward to update? [quite happy]]
MIUI米柚，基于Android深度定制，坚持每周升级持续进化，成为你离不开的贴心伙伴！
南方都市报：【企业被投诉罚款规定奇葩：“两人说话第三人听得见”就得罚】入职深圳特发东智科技有限公司没多久，小来便被公司罚款元，原因为“上班时在三楼办公室大声喧哗”，而该公司制定“大声喧哗”的标准是“两个人说话第三个人听得见”，对罚款的“书面”说法是“乐捐”。员工透露，该企业罚款事由较多，...全文： m.weibo
[[enterprise be complaints fine gold two people talk to a third person could hear have to be fined 】 in idiopathic east wisdom of science and technology (shenzhen) co., LTD. Before long, small to was fined RMB, the reason for on the third floor office loudly at work, the company set standards of loud is the third person can hear two people, to fine written is giving. Fines for employees, according to the enterprise is more,... The full text m. eibo]
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新浪汽车：#微博交通台#【套路深！后谎称年生交年女友 因无证驾驶被查露馅】近日，一男子开着宝马车经过江西抚州某收费站时，遇到交警例行检查。然而，该男子并未携带驾驶证，且在面对民警询问时，更是一直保持沉默。经警方核实，该男司机是福建泉州人，年出生，尚未成年，根本没有驾驶证，而且其还一...全文： m.weibo
[# # weibo communication radio [routines deep! His girlfriend hand in that year after year for driving without a license was betrayed 】 recently, a man driving a BMW after in fuzhou a toll station, the traffic police routine check. The man, however, did not carry a drivers license, and, in the face of the police to ask but remained silent. The police to verify that the male driver is in quanzhou, fujian province, was born, has not yet adult, dont have a drivers license, but its also a... The full text m. eibo]
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