TEST BY SENRSL: Poison tongue mouth base teases, YanZheng meter of eight legs are long, cold brother eight pieces o

冷笑话精选：
当喜欢的球队连续五场比赛都没有进球后……
“看好了！门儿在那里啊！！！”[二哈]
tRNGkiNq
[When the one you like the team after five consecutive games all have no goal... look good! Out there!!! [two ha] tRNGkiNq]

毒舌嘴贱会吐槽，颜正腿长一米八，八块腹肌的冷哥就是我！

但斌：
人民币兑美元半年上涨.% 换美元保值反倒亏了钱 tRNbdylx
[Rise in the yuan against the dollar for half a year. % tRNbdylx in us dollar but lose money]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

优酷：
#春风十里不如你#万万没想到帮wuli红姐清理“激情后遗症”的，一个是之前和秋水相恋的英男，一个是之后和秋水暧昧的柳青……[费解]这命中注定的“孽缘”也是没谁了，实在忍不住想#给春风编剧寄刀片#，看他下一步准还备怎么虐tRNGDaO
[# # spring breeze miles as you never expected to help wuli public cleaning legacy passion, one is before and colchicine in the male, one is after and youthful ambiguous willow blue... [difficult] this doomed who evil reason is not, you cant resist to # # to send spring breeze writers blade, see how he must also prepare next tRNGDaO abuse]

但斌：
发表了博文《造时速公里列车?这是中国巡航导弹之父说的》造时速公里列车?这是中国巡航导弹之父说的年月日法制晚报法制晚报•看法新闻（记者张莹编辑岳三猛）月日tRNGDx
[Published a blog post the km per hour train? This is the father of Chinese cruise missile said build km trains per hour? This is the father of Chinese cruise missiles (date) (month) (year) legal evening news legal evening news & bull; View news (reporter ying white editor yue three fierce) tRNGDx month day]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

一块去旅行：
日本好吃的款甜品
[Japan money delicious desserts]

我们的征途是星辰大海，愿做你旅程中的灯塔，一路照亮你前行。合作QQ：

汽车之家：
#家家游记# 【寻捷豹起源参观捷豹收藏中心和博物馆】上个月，我们一行人前往英国参观了捷豹路虎的发动机工厂、设计中心等设施，除了了解到捷豹路虎品牌整车和发动机的制造过程外，同时还提前接触到即将在中国上市的全新SUV车型：揽胜星脉，对这款车的设计有了更深入的了解。tRNGeeWv
[# # every travel 【 origin for jaguar Jaguar collection center and museum] last month, we have a line of people to travel to the UK to visit the jaguar land rover engine factory, design center and other facilities, in addition to jaguar land rover vehicle and engine manufacturing process, but also in advance come into contact with the listed on the new SUV models in China range pulse, for the design of this car have a deeper understanding. tRNGeeWv]

汽车之家为广大汽车消费者提供买车、用车、养车及与汽车生活相关的全程服务，以全面、专业、可信赖、高互动性的内容，多层次、多维度地影响最广泛的汽车消费者，是中国最具价值的互联网汽车营销平台。

小米手机：
“在我们手中，不只是一块屏幕，而是通往未来世界的门。” 年月，#小米MIX#概念手机发布，开创了全面屏时代。在#全面屏#.到来之前，我们来回顾下第一代MIX的品牌视频《探索之门》tRNbaUv
[In our hands, not just a screen, but the door to the future world. Years, # millet MIX# concept phone, ushering in an unprecedented period of full screen. Before the arrival of # #. Full screen, lets review the first generation of MIX brand video door of exploring tRNbaUv]

探索黑科技，为发烧而生。

但斌：
外交部谈朝核问题有国家边指手划脚边背后捅刀 @辛辣头条（分享自 @新浪新闻） tRNUEGy
[Foreign ministry about the Korean nuclear issue has national sides bossing stab knife edge @ spicy headlines tRNUEGy (share since @ sina news)]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

南方都市报：
【月起，这些新规将影响你的生活！】①支付宝闲置账号一年未登录将被注销；②国内长途漫游费全面取消；③外卖新规将实施，外卖小哥禁入消费者家中；④中小学统一换教材；⑤境外刷卡满元需上报，消费者、商户无需上报；⑥北京公积金提取带身份证就能办……与你有关，扩散！ @人民网
[The month, these new rules will affect your life! () pay treasure to idle account a year not login will be cancelled; () domestic long-distance roaming abolish all; () delivery the new rules will be implemented, take-away little elder brother allowed consumers home; . Unity of primary and secondary schools in the teaching material; . Overseas credit card be submitted with yuan, consumers, merchants need not report; . Beijing housing fund extraction with id card can do... About you, spread! @ Peoples Daily online]

欢迎关注南方都市报官方微博

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【最强逃学！两兄妹顶台风出走骑行小时没合眼[衰]】日，因感觉读书压力太大，深圳岁男孩带着岁妹妹，找了台共享单车想骑回湛江老家...仅小时就到东莞地界！后来妹妹车坏了，实拍二人脚力全开共骑一辆↓↓日，小时没合眼的哥哥体力透支，累瘫在隧道内…tRNGdmO
[Run away the strongest play truant! Brother top typhoon riding hours without sleep [failure]], because reading feeling too much pressure, shenzhen old boy take years old sister, sought a Shared bicycle wants to ride back to my hometown zhanjiang... The border only hours to dongguan! Then sister car broke down, make two people ride at fully open a left left, down, down hours without sleep brother physical strength overdraft, tired collapsed in tunnel... tRNGdmO]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

青年时报：
【凌晨朝晖七区楼居民家突发大火，又是电器引发！】今天凌晨点分左右，下城区朝晖七区幢的居民们听到一个女人仓皇失措的喊叫声，有人迟疑，有人打开门窗一探究竟，发现这幢层居民楼单元室火光四起，起火竟是充电的电瓶车电瓶，消防官兵迅速出水控制火势，并冲入单元解救、疏散被困居民。目...全文： m.weibo
[【 from zhaohui seven area floor residents home fire in the morning, and electrical spark!] Today about some points in the morning in downtown from zhaohui seven area residents of house heard a woman disconcertment shouts, some hesitation, someone open the door, the residential buildings in this layer unit room fire, fire was charging battery car battery, fire officers and soldiers quickly out of the water control the fire, and into the unit to rescue trapped, evacuating residents. The eye... The full text m. eibo]

新闻推动进步。青年时报，在中国浙江观察世界。新闻热线：。

猫扑：
【杀妻藏尸冰柜案嫌犯母亲：他还是小孩】据法制晚报日报道，岁的朱晓东个月前将妻子掐死并藏尸冰柜天。事发后，朱妈妈一直处于痛苦、自责中。她说，“他们不愿接受和解，一定要枪毙。”她说儿子一直很乖，胆子小，他是害怕了，“他也是小孩，也没经历过什么事情” 。（via观察者网）
[【 suspect mother killed his wife to hide corpse freezer case he was a boy, according to the legal evening news reported xiao-dong zhu months ago at the age of hid wife strangled and resin freezers for days. After the incident, zhus mother has been in pain and remorse. She said, they dont want to accept the settlement, be sure to shoot. She said her son has been very good, cold, he was scared, he was a child, also experienced nothing. (network) via observer]

猫扑网唯一指定官方微博。私信开放投稿、爆料。商务合作：qq：

微博位置：
原来在吃货眼里中国地图长这样~~[哈哈][哈哈] tRCsTDjv #中国[地点]#
[In the original version eyes map of China so long ~ ~ [ha ha] [ha ha] tRCsTDjv [place] # # China]

发微博带上“位置”，在冰冷的地点留下你温暖的故事。投诉建议 yonglin@staff.weibo

优酷：
#蒙面唱将猜猜猜#唱歌的全新打开方式，全宇宙独此一家，蒙面唱，就问你酷不酷！然鹅，我们的猜评团也是会搞事情的，#御前侍卫三把刀#现场竟被追问恋情，还遭到大老师@大张伟吐槽：我妈希望你把她的裤子还给他！搞得御前侍卫瞬间羞羞哒~[害羞]视频猛戳↓
tRNjOIY
[# # masked sing will guess to sing the new, open the way the universe alone, masked sing, cant ask you cool cool! However goose, we guess the evaluation group will also make things, three knife # # command guards the scene was pressed relationship, also have been big teacher @ kid ridicule my mom hope you give her pants back to him! Make command guards moments shy dalai ~ [shy] video stab left tRNjOIY]

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【残忍！妻子遭丈夫用细竹条鞭打致面目全非】浙江兰溪的徐某与妻子施某是二婚夫妻，婚后徐某脾气很暴躁，经常为琐事与施女士争吵。事发当晚，发了火的徐某竟把妻子关在房间里，用剪刀剪光施女士的头发↓↓还用细竹条鞭打妻子折磨一夜↓↓这般伤痕累累真令人心疼[伤心]↓↓tRNGEsXW
[【 cruel! Wife by her husband with fine bamboo whipped to recognition 】 zhejiang lanxi xu and his wife is a second marriage couples, marriage is very grumpy xu, often quarrel with ms shi for trifles. The disaster, and made a fire of xu locked his wife in the room, by a womans hair scissors light left left with fine bamboo whipped his wife also tortured night left left so scarred really heartrending [sad] left left tRNGEsXW down]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

新浪汽车：
#微博交通台# 北京鸟巢附近北辰东路，一中巴车起火燃烧！吓到宝宝了，天干气躁，注意降火[摊手]@来去之间 @北京消防@平安北京 @北京人不知道的北京事儿 tRNGEiUL
[# # weibo communication radio Beijing beichen east road near the birds nest, a minibuses are burning! Scare baby, air-dried minded, pay attention to decrease internal heatstand hand @ to fire @ @ Beijing peace between tRNGEiUL about Beijing @ the people in Beijing dont know]

最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。

猫扑：
【不顾正在剖腹产的孕妇两医生手术台边吵翻天孩子夭折】月日，印度一孕妇即将分娩，紧急接受剖腹产手术，两名医生却为之前的一台手术发生激烈争吵，脏话不断，更停止手术。周围有护士不断提醒，此刻应该先做手术。孕妇最终产下婴儿，但孩子未能存活，目前两名医生均被停职tRNUYIK
[【 regardless of the pregnant women are cesarean section two doctors table edge too noisy Child 】 month, India a pregnant women pregnant, emergency cesarean section surgery, two doctors for before surgery a violent quarrel, dirty words, more to stop the operation. Surrounded by nurses constantly reminds, surgery at the moment to do first. Pregnant women finally give birth to babies, but they failed to survive, the two famous doctor tRNUYIK nces was suspended]

猫扑网唯一指定官方微博。私信开放投稿、爆料。商务合作：qq：

新浪汽车：
帅的一逼，就是买不起！不知道开起来是啥感觉，你造不？[摊手]#汽车黑科技#
[Handsome a force, is cant afford it! Dont know whats it like to open up, you dont? [stand hand] # # black car technology]

最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。

青年时报：
#西湖早茶#：你无法阻止我选择垮掉，并且我选择用哪种方式垮掉实际上并不重要，我们来这里，不是为了做梦，而是为了清醒。—— 《猜火车》早安，各位！
[# # the west lake tea you cant stop I choose to fail, and I choose to use which kinds of means to fail in fact is not important, we are here, not to dream, but to wake up. - trainspotting good morning, everyone! ]

新闻推动进步。青年时报，在中国浙江观察世界。新闻热线：。

蔡依林：
水袖可以嗎～
[Is it okay to twirls ~]

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【岁萌娃逛街走失玩困了躺陌生人怀里睡着[衰]】日，宜昌岁小男孩闹闹独自在人行道上蹦蹦跳跳，正准备往机动车道上跑，被市民发现并拉住。随后，路边做织补生意的李阿姨把他抱到摊位上，实拍玩累了的闹闹就在其怀里睡着了↓↓直到妈妈找来...还好阿姨是好阿姨啊！tRNGHFN
[The years of her shopping lost play tired fell asleep lying stranger arms [failure]], yichang, the little boy jammed alone on the pavement surface, is preparing to run motorways, discovered by citizens and pull. Subsequently, the side of the road for business in darning lee aunt carry him to the stalls, will play tired surface fell asleep in the arms of left left until mom to... Also good aunt is a good aunt! tRNGHFN]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

但斌：
【巴菲特：美股“吸引力下降” 但仍然优于债券】巴菲特表示，过去几年市场的上涨使得找到便宜股票变得更难了，但相比债券，他仍更愿意选择股票。当被问及为什么旗下伯克希尔哈撒韦公司现金越积越多时，他表示：“这只是在告诉我们，股票与大部分时间相比都已经不再便宜。”“股票的吸引力在逐步下降，...全文： m.weibo
[[buffett U.S. stocks less attractive but it is still better than bonds 】 buffett said that the rise in the past few years the market makes it more difficult for the find cheap stocks, but bonds, he still prefer stock. When asked why a subsidiary of Berkshire hathaway when cash is piling up, he said this is telling us, stocks are no longer cheap compared with most of the time. Appeal in decline gradually, stock... The full text m. eibo]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

但斌：
巴菲特质疑美国GDP，基数这么大增长%够厉害[赞]
[Buffett question us GDP, base so big growth % is good [great]]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【偶像太暖心！粉丝偶遇鹿晗反被主动搭讪[允悲]】日，有网友通晒出偶遇鹿晗的照片，并发文激动讲述“被偶像搭讪的体验”↓↓原来该粉丝当时并没有看到鹿晗，但因她的这一举动↓↓成功吸引了爱豆目光...你鹿撩妹的样子也是太苏了吧↓↓tRNGWbw
[Fans of the idol too warm heart! Encounter Lu Han by hottie [allow sad]], netizens to bask in the encounter Lu Hans photos, and post is excited about the idol chat up the experience of left left the original fans at that time, I dont see Lu Han, but because of her a move left left success attracted the eyes love bean... You deer pulled the younger sister is too Sue left left tRNGWbw]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

汽车之家：
#停车打卡# 米克-舒马赫与父亲迈克尔-舒马赫同驾年贝纳通赛车的视频对比：米克传承了舒米的赛车基因，正一步步向F迈进，祝福舒米能够早日康复。 tRNawYi
[Clock # # parking Mick schumacher benetton with father Michael schumacher driving years racing video contrast Mick racing in the tradition of ms genes, step by step towards F, bless ms can recover soon. tRNawYi]

汽车之家为广大汽车消费者提供买车、用车、养车及与汽车生活相关的全程服务，以全面、专业、可信赖、高互动性的内容，多层次、多维度地影响最广泛的汽车消费者，是中国最具价值的互联网汽车营销平台。

猫扑：
真的太形象了[笑cry]tRNZUZ （via@戏精牡丹）
[Really too image [laugh cry] tRNZUZ (via @ play with peony)]

猫扑网唯一指定官方微博。私信开放投稿、爆料。商务合作：qq：

微博时尚：
她是《武林外传》中热情洋溢的郭芙蓉，是《潜伏》中淳朴女游击队长王翠平，是《离婚律师》里的精英女性女性罗鹂。集优雅、大气、性感于一身的她，用甜美的笑容、满满的正能量圈粉无数。私下的她也是崇尚快乐哲学，那迎风展现的笑容犹如身边洒满的阳光，亲切而温暖。她就是...全文： m.weibo
[She is passionate in the previous guo lotus, is latent honest woman guerrilla captain cui-ping wang, is the elite women women in the divorce lawyer cerulean. Elegance, atmosphere, sexy she, with a sweet smile, full of positive energy circle powder. Privately she also advocates happy philosophy, show that the wind smile is like a side with sunshine, cordial and warm. She is... The full text m. eibo]

微博时尚专注于微博时尚美妆、珠宝设计、服装设计等领域

新浪新闻客户端：
“老师老师，你干嘛提问我两次！”[doge]
[Teacher teacher, why do you ask me twice! [doge]]

只想做一只人见人爱的客户端

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【杭州一小学一年级迎来对双胞胎心疼老师[允悲]】开学在即，杭州某小学老师在整理新生资料时发现，近名学生中竟有对双胞胎！其中，对选择同班，对选择不同班。校方表示，这并不会给教学带来困扰，虽然外貌相似但毕竟孩子们性格各不同...考眼力的时刻到了↓↓tRNGKmw
[[hangzhou one elementary school in grade one in twins love dearly teacher [allow sad]] reopen, a primary school teacher in hangzhou and arrange the literature of the new found that nearly students have the twins! Among them, to choose class, to choose a different class. Officials said, it would not bring teaching, though similar in appearance, after all the children to the different character... Check the time left left tRNGKmw of eyesight]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

但斌：
转：《清晨分享》
鲁迅有段话：
我以为“别人尊重我，是因为我很优秀。” 后来才明白，“别人尊重我，是因为别人很优秀。”
优秀的人对谁都会尊重！尊重领导是一种天职，尊重同事是一种本分，尊重下属是一种美德，尊重客户是一种常识，尊重对手是一种大度，尊重所有人是一种教养！
...全文： m.weibo
[ in the early morning to share lu a little bit I thought others to respect me, because I am very good. Afterwards just know, others to respect me, because everyone else is very good. best people respect for everyone! Respect leadership is a kind of duty, respect for colleagues is a duty, respect for subordinate is a virtue, respect for the customer is a common sense, respect the opponent is a generous, respect for all people is a kind of breeding! ... The full text m. eibo]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

但斌：
转：年月日周四读报！一切美好从❤️
、全国人才资源统计结果显示：我国人才资源总量达.亿人，人才资源总量占人力资源总量的比例达.%，基本实现年.亿人、%的规划目标。其中，企业经营管理人才和高技能人才资源总量分别比年规划目标超出.%和.%。(新华网)

、震惊！波及...全文： m.weibo
[Turn on Thursday, the newspaper! All good from ❤ ️ , national talent resources statistical results show that the total of talent resources in our country. One hundred million people, talent resources accounted for the proportion of the total of human resources. %, basic implementation years. One hundred million, % planning objectives. Among them, the enterprise management personnel and skilled talents resources than planning goal beyond respectively. % and. %. (xinhuanet) , shocked! Spread... The full text m. eibo]

一个普通、真诚、热爱生活的人

新浪汽车：
#老司机课堂#家里的表妹要去考驾照了，我妈让我给她提前补习一下，我就随便问了一下表妹，结果我打开了人生的新大门，这是她眼中的汽车结构图[笑cry][笑cry][笑cry]刹车=刹车、手刹=刹车，嗯，没毛病！[摊手][摊手][摊手]（via晴空霹雳张大爷）
[Old driver class # # cousin is going to go to the driving test in the home, my mother let me give her lessons ahead of time, I will ask my cousin, result I opened new doors in life, this is her in the eyes of automobile structure [laugh cry] [laugh cry] [laugh cry] = brake, hand brake = brake, well, no problem! [stand hand] [stand hand] [stand hand] (via open sky thunderbolt ye)]

最新鲜的汽车资讯；
最快速的新车报道；
最全面的车型数据；
最及时的车型报价；
最丰富的汽车活动。

小浪同学爱吐槽：
【路遇偷车贼河南两女警踩高跟鞋狂追几十米[威武]】日，河南鹤壁，两名女民警在上班路上发现一疑似偷车贼，便上前询问，没成想男子见状转身便跑！两位身穿长裙、脚踩高跟鞋的女警毫不犹豫当街狂追，最终在绿化带旁将嫌疑人按倒↓↓点赞！[good]tRNzejDE
[In [the car thief Henan two policewomen on high heels crazy chase dozens of meters [power]], henan hebi, two female police on my way to work to find a suspected car thief, he asked, not ChengXiang man he turned and ran! Two, wearing a long skirt, stamped on the heels of policewomen hesitate street crazy chase, finally is holding down a suspect left beside the green left thumb up! [good] tRNzejDE]

曾用名@新浪news，国事家事天下事，事事关心。

猫扑：
#猫扑早安# 刚出生不久的小象，因为太小好像还不知道“大象鼻子”是什么东西[笑cry]哈哈哈超天真活泼，太治愈了！
[# # good morning mop of newborn baby elephant, because it seems too small also dont know what elephant is [laugh cry] hahaha super innocent and lively, so cure! ]