冷笑话精选：
#为半开卷拼过命#
整本书的重点都在这张纸上了
你有为半开卷拼过命吗？
[# # to half open book spelled a life < br > the focus of the entire book on this piece of paper the < br > you have half an open-book spelled a life? ]
毒舌嘴贱会吐槽，颜正腿长一米八，八块腹肌的冷哥就是我！
平安北京：
温馨提示：明天是#警察节# [鼓掌]——第一，我们不放假[酷]；第二，“大过节的”也不好使[拜拜]。依然要遵纪守法呀！#你的平安我的节日#
[Warm prompt tomorrow is # # police day [applause.] - first of all, we dont have a holiday [cool]; Second, the big feast also not make [bynum]. Still need to be law-abiding! # # you the peace of my holiday]
这里是北京市公安局官方微博，在这里您可以了解到北京警方的新闻资讯。欢迎您给我们提出意见和建议。
南方都市报：
【南都快评：“电话发我”，城市的温度决不会因紧张防控而舍弃】“电话发我”，月日，深圳卫健委因评论区的一句回复登上热搜。#电话发我就是深圳速度##孕妇家属回应求助深小卫获回复电话发我#
月日上午，深圳一孕妇在深圳卫健委公众号留言求助，因等着住院要核酸证明，但等了小时还未出结果。深
[【 SMW fast review call me, the temperature of the city never abandoned by tension control 】 call me, June , shenzhen WeiJianWei boarded out for comment in reply. # phone text I is shenzhen speed response # # the pregnant womans family for help deep small who received reply phone send me # < br > < br > on Wednesday morning, a pregnant woman in shenzhen in shenzhen WeiJianWei public messages for help, because of waiting for the hospital to proving the nucleic acid, but havent waited hours out results. deep]
欢迎关注南方都市报官方微博
金山夜话博主：
全职太太不好当，有责任心的男人不单单是赚钱回家。稳定的婚姻需要正确的方向和坚定的舵手。
[A full-time wife is bad when, men who have a sense of responsibility is not just to make money to go home. A stable marriage need in the right direction and determined pilot. ]
首届中国广电“台帝”，《金山夜话》主持人，记者，作家，著名情感问题专家
新浪汽车：
北京市交管局：#与冬奥专用车辆发生事故后要避免接触#[话筒][话筒]
[The Beijing traffic management bureau # and the accident after the games are special vehicles to avoid contact with # [microphone] [microphone]]
新鲜的汽车资讯； 快速的新车报道； 全面的车型数据； 及时的车型报价； 丰富的汽车活动。
汽车之家：
#改装星球# 动动手指换新车！超简单攻略奉上！ #D玩改装# 三步操作！实现改车自由！[good][good] 攻略详情就在@改装星球 置顶微博～[并不简单]tAJAxan
[# # modified planet move finger in a new car! Strategy in super easy! # # D play a modified three-step operation! Implement change car free! [good] [good] strategy for details on @ converted star set-top weibo ~ [] are not simple tAJAxan]
汽车之家是中国领先的汽车互联网平台，为消费者提供优质的汽车消费和汽车生活服务，助力中国汽车产业蓬勃发展。 我们致力于通过产品服务、数据技术、生态规则和资源为用户和客户赋能，建设“车内容、车交易、车金融、车生活” 个圈，建立以数据和技术为核心的智能汽车生态圈，正式迈向智能化的.时代。看车买车用车，都回汽车之家。
优酷：
#周锐卡出鬼畜效果# 周锐@陈坤 给奶奶打电话，大西北信号差导致通话卡顿，即便如此周锐也不忘打听骆伽@辛芷蕾 公司的状况，还是很在乎骆伽的，今晚 ，优酷#电视剧输赢#精彩继续
tAJzRgk
[# # Zhou Rui card out of the ghost livestock effect Zhou Rui @ Chen kun call grandma, yunan differential signal lead to talk on the phone, caton even so Zhou Rui also dont forget about Locke ng @ XinZhiLei companys situation, was still very care about Locke ng, tonight, youku # # TV series win good continue to < br > tAJzRgk]
新浪新闻客户端：
【#咸阳警方辟谣男子将妻儿扔下楼坠亡#：不是被扔，女子有抑郁症】#警方通报小区母子坠楼死亡#月日，陕西咸阳。网曝一男子将妻儿扔下楼坠亡，警方与医护人员赶至现场处理。警方通报称，坠楼二人已身亡，系一岁女子及其岁儿子。日，东城派出所民警表示，坠楼原因非网传被丈夫扔下楼，该女子患有抑
[【 # xianyang rumours that police man to wife and children dropped building fell from # not thrown, women suffer from depression] # notified the police district mother and child falling # date of death, xianyang in shaanxi province. Network had a man will his wife and children dropped building, police and medical personnel rushed to the scene to deal with. Police said the fall have already died, and its year old son is one year old woman. , dongcheng, the policemen said, hanging reason not pass by her husband dropped floor, with the woman]
只想做一只人见人爱的客户端
新浪新闻客户端：
【青梅竹马外+门当户对 #新郎新娘两家斜对门接亲只需秒# 】月日，广东江门，一对新婚夫妇结婚现场，新郎和新娘住在斜对门，接亲只需要秒。化妆师刘女士称，自己跟妆七年多，第一次见到这种场面，新娘妈妈说人从小玩到大，也算是青梅竹马了。网友：婚车都省了！@西部决策 tAJZQFo
[[childhood friends outside + # rigidity of the bride and groom two inclined to door # ridiculous just seconds] month day, guangdong jiangmen, a pair of newlyweds wedding scene, the bride and groom lived in inclined across the hall, ridiculous just seconds. Makeup artist liu said that oneself with makeup more than seven years, the first time I saw this scene, the bride said mom who grew up playing big, also is one of the childhood sweethearts. Net friend money all provinces! @ tAJZQFo western decisions]
只想做一只人见人爱的客户端
优酷：
#一念时光# 时小念在篮球墙上画满宫欧形象的漫画，这么有心的举动，谁看了不感动啊~[爱你]@佟梦实 @王鹤润rain 每周一至周四晚点优酷热播ing！记得来看哦！！
tAJUuOzi
[Reading time # # a little reading in the basketball wall paint palace, the image of the cartoon, noticing, who looked not moved ah ~ love you [] @ TongMengShi @ Wang Herun rain optimal heat Monday to Thursday late sowing ing! Remember to see oh!!!!! < br > tAJUuOzi]
ZAKER：
【#生日蛋糕上插满课本男孩崩溃大哭# ，妈妈：想提醒他期末好好复习】月日，江苏徐州。张女士在儿子岁的生日宴会上，为他准备了一款插满课本的蛋糕：地球一天不毁灭，你都得写作业。张女士称，本来蛋糕是皮卡丘，但想到孩子快期末考试了还天天打游戏，自己就临时改了，提醒他好好复习，孩子看见后
[【 # textbooks with the boy on his birthday cake collapse # cry, mom want to remind him of the final review well 】 month day, xuzhou, jiangsu province. Ms zhang at the age of my sons birthday party, for he has prepared a cake with the textbook dont destroy the earth day, you have to do homework. Ms zhang said, originally is Pikachu cake, but the thought of children almost final exam also play games every day, your temporary change, remind him to review, see after the children]
传递价值资讯：myzaker
ZAKER：
【超速%以下不记分，一年最多分，今年新规千万车主点赞！】 公安部在新闻发布会上表示，修订后的《道路交通安全违法行为记分管理办法》审议通过，将在年月日起施行。 tAJw
[Speeding % the following dont score, a year the most points, this years new rules owners thumb up! The Ministry of Public Security at the news conference, said the revised law on road traffic safety violations scorecard management measures for approval, will be effective as of (date) (month) (year). tAJw]
传递价值资讯：myzaker
优酷：
#飞虎之壮志英雄# 嘉轩@黄宗泽 和家宝@JEANNIE陳瀅 押送许森@梁烈唯is梁竞徽 的路上遭遇追车，三人下车反击却被敲晕。嘉轩和许森被不明人士绑走逼问DH的下落。快锁定#优酷港剧场# ，精彩剧情等你来看！
tAJLoror
[# # of the flying tigers ambitions hero jia xuan @ bosco and shares @ JEANNIE Xu Sen @, lovelorn is Liang Jinghui Chen Ying van car chase, on the way back three out of the car was knock dizzy. Jia xuan and Xu Sen nabbing the whereabouts of the coercive DH is unknown. Fast locking theater # # youku port, fascinating story is waiting for you to see! < br > tAJLoror]
平安北京：
#护航冬奥的警察在海坨山顶上封闭了天#驻扎海陀之巅，守护冬奥之“履”，北京市公安局延庆公安分局的民警吴月云是首批进驻冬奥核心区“拓荒”的警察， 年多的时间里，他进行了大大小小多次安全检查，发现了多个可能存在的安全隐患，最长的一次他在山顶上封闭了天。艰苦的自然条件下他是如何
[Sea lump # police escort the games in the top of the mountain closed day # are stationed at the top of the sea tuo, guardian taking of the games, the Beijing municipal public security bureau public security sub-bureau of civilian police Wu Yueyun yanqing is the first pioneer in the games are core of the police, the years, he had made a big and small security check for many times, found a number of possible security hidden danger, the longest time he closed the day at the top of the hill. Tough natural conditions how is he]
这里是北京市公安局官方微博，在这里您可以了解到北京警方的新闻资讯。欢迎您给我们提出意见和建议。
优酷：
距#超越开播# 还有「」小时！
热爱不止，实现超越！#电视剧超越# 今晚优酷全网首播，敬请期待。
[# beyond air # away hour! < br > I love more than implementation beyond! Launched # # show beyond youku tonight so stay tuned. ]
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