Mr. Know-it-all

一

我在见到凯兰达之前就有点不喜欢他。

第一次世界大战刚刚结束，横渡太平洋的航线非常繁忙，客舱是很难预订到的。我很高兴，弄到一个双人客舱，但当听到同伴的名字时，我就有点灰心了。“凯兰达”，这使我有一种在空气窒息不流通的房间里的感觉。想起在这14天的旅途中（我从圣弗兰西斯科到横滨），将和这个凯兰达共用一间房，我就感到不舒服。我讨厌他的名字，要是他叫史密斯或者布朗什么的也好一点。

上船后，我来到客舱，发现凯兰达已经来过。一只又大又难看的衣箱和一个贴满标签的手提箱放在他的床下，脸盆架上摆着他的香水，洗发精和润发油，檀木做的牙刷上镀金印着他的名字缩写。

我不喜欢凯兰达。

在吸烟室里，我要了一副单人玩的纸牌，正准备开始玩的时候，一个人走了过来向我问好。

“我是凯兰达。”他在我面前坐下，笑着露出一排雪白的牙齿。

“哦，我们好像住在一个房间。”

“听说你是英国人，我感到很高兴。在海外遇到自己的同胞，确实让人激动。”

“你是英国人？”

“当然，我是一个地地道道的英国人。”说着他拿出他的护照递给我。

“想喝点什么吗？”他问道。

我疑惑起来。美国正在实行禁酒令，船上是找不到一滴酒的，但是凯兰达狡黠地朝我笑了笑。

“威士忌，苏打还是鸡尾酒，你只要说一声就可以。”说着，他从后裤袋里摸出两个瓶子，放在我面前的桌子上，我兴奋起来，找服务员要了两个玻璃杯和一些冰块。

“嗯，不错”我说。

“是的，我这里还有好多这样的酒，船上如果还有你的朋友的话，你可以把他们都叫来。”我没有说什么。

接着他跟我讲起纽约、圣弗兰西斯科，谈到戏剧、给画和政治。他很健谈，好长时间都是他一个人在那里滔滔不绝地说着。

我有点厌烦了，重新拿起我的牌。

“你喜欢纸牌魔术吗？”

“不喜欢。”我又开始讨厌他了。

“我来给你表演一个。”他抽出三张牌递给我。但我没有理他，说我要去餐厅找个座位。

“哦，很好，我已经为我们俩订了座位，我想我们应该坐在一块儿。”

我不喜欢凯兰达。

他不但和我住在一个房间，而且一天三餐都非要和我挤在一张桌子上吃饭。不论我在什么地方，都无法摆脱他。要是在我家里的话，我一定会在他面前“砰”的把门关上，让他明白自己是一个不受欢迎的人。

凯兰达擅长交际，在船上的第三天，就差不多认识了所有的人。他什么事都干：主持拍卖，筹集体育资金，组织高尔夫球赛，安排音乐会，举办化装舞会。我想大家一定有点讨厌他。我们都叫他“万事通”先生，甚至在他面前也是这样。他对此并不在乎，把这当作我们对他的恭维。

二

凯兰达非常健谈，并且喜好同别人争论，特别是在吃饭的时候。我们简直难以忍受，但又无法让他停下来。他好像比谁都懂得多，错误似乎也不会发生在他身上。在他讲话时，若有人反对他，他就会同他争个没完。在说服你之前，他绝不会放弃一个话题，不管它是多么的不重要。

一天晚上，我们坐在医生的桌旁，凯兰达仍像以往一样在滔滔不绝地说着。在座的还有在神户的美国领事馆工作的拉姆齐和他的夫人。

拉姆齐是一个很结实的家伙，皮肤绷得紧紧的，略显肥胖的肚子使衣服凸起。这次他是带着妻子重返神户的。他的妻子已独自一人在纽约呆了一年。拉姆齐夫人的样子十分可爱。虽然她丈夫的工资不怎么高，她穿得也很简朴，但她知道怎样穿她的衣服，使她具有超过一般女人的迷人之处。这是一种端庄淑静的美。

看得出拉姆齐很讨厌凯兰达。他们时时争论一番，这种争论是长时间的，激烈的。

这时，话题谈到精明的日本人正在进行的人工养殖珍珠。凯兰达给我们讲了许多关于珍珠的事。我相信拉姆齐对此知道的不会很多，但他绝不会放过任何反驳凯兰达的机会。不一会儿，我们就被卷入了一场充满火药味的争吵。刚开始，凯兰达还是情绪激昂，滔滔不绝，但不久，他自己也有点厌烦了。最后，他显然是被拉姆齐的一句话刺痛了，敲着桌子叫道：

“我可以告诉你，在这方面我是最有发言权的。我这次到日本就是去洽谈珍珠生意的。没有哪一个懂这一行的人不会认为我刚才所说的都是千真万确的。”他得意洋洋地看着周围的人。“我知道所有珍珠的行情，没有哪一种珍珠我不能马上辨认出。”他指着拉姆齐夫人戴的项链，“夫人，你的这串珍珠项链就非常值钱，并且它的价格还在上涨。”

拉姆齐夫人的脸红了，她把那项链轻轻塞进她的衣服。

“你说这是天然珍珠吗？”拉姆齐好像已经抓住了凯兰达的什么把柄。

“是的，这种珍珠非常精致。”凯兰达答道。

“好。虽然这不是我买的，但我想知道，你认为它值多少钱？”

“在一般的市场要1．5万美元，但在美国最繁华的第五街，1．3万美元也能买得到。”拉姆齐冷笑起来。

“这是我夫人离开纽约前在一家百货商店里买的，只花了18美元。”

凯兰达的脸一下子涨得通红。

“胡说，这珍珠不但是真的，而且是我所知道的几种中最好的一种。”

“你敢打赌吗？我要用100美元和你打赌这是仿制品。”拉姆齐怂恿道。

“可以。”

“不，拉姆齐，你怎么能拿一件事实和人打赌呢？”拉姆齐夫人劝阻道。

“为什么不呢？如果放弃这样一个轻易能弄到钱的机会，那才是一个傻瓜。”

“但你也不能证明它是仿制品呀？”

“把它拿给我看一看，我就知道它的真假。”凯兰达说道。

“亲爱的，把它拿给这位先生看看。”

拉姆齐夫人犹豫着，她的两手紧握在一起，好像还在考虑着什么。

拉姆齐等得不耐烦了，他走过来亲手把项链解了下来，递给了凯兰达。

我预感到一件不幸的事要发生了。

凯兰达拿出一个放大镜，仔细地观察起来。不一会，一丝胜利的微笑闪现在他的脸上。当他把项链递给拉姆齐正准备开口说话时，忽然看见拉姆齐夫人的脸是那样的白，好像她马上就会晕过去。她的眼睛看着凯兰达，那是一种绝望的哀求。我很奇怪，拉姆齐没有看到这些。

凯兰达半张着嘴，半天都没有说出话。我看得出他在努力改变着什么。

“我错了，”最后他说道，“这是一个非常好的仿制品，18美元正合适。”

他从钱包里拿出100美元递给拉姆齐，没有再说一句话。

“也许这能教会你以后不要太自以为是了。”拉姆齐得意洋洋。

我注意到凯兰达的手在发抖。

这件事很快在全船传开了，凯兰达不得不忍受着别人的戏弄和嘲笑。对“万事通”先生来说，这确实是一个笑话。但是，拉姆齐夫人再也没有出来过，据说她有点头痛。

三

第二天早上，我起来正在刮脸，凯兰达躺在床上抽雪茄。忽然一阵嘟嘟嘟嘟的声音，一封信从门下塞了进来。我打开门，外面没有任何人。我捡起信封，上面用印刷字体写着“给凯兰达”。

我把信递给了他：

“哪里来的？”

他打开信封。“哦？”拿出的不是信，而是一张100美元的钞票。

他看了我一眼，然后把信封撕成碎片从舱口扔了出去。

“没有谁愿意被别人看成是一个傻瓜。”他说。

“那珍珠是真的吗？”我问道。

“如果我有一个漂亮的妻子的话，我绝不会让她一个人在纽约呆一年。”他拿出钱包，把100美元放了进去。

这时，我觉得我不是那么不喜欢凯兰达了。

I didn't like Kalanda until I met her. World War I had just ended, and the trans-pacific route was so busy that it was difficult to book a cabin. I was happy to get a double cabin, but when I heard the name of my companion, I was a little discouraged. "Kalanda," it made me feel like I was in a room with no air. The thought of sharing a room with this Kalanda on my 14-day trip from San Francisco to Yokohama makes me uncomfortable. I hate his name. It'd be nice if he was Smith or English surname or something. After boarding, I went to the cabin and found that Kalanda had already been there. A large, unsightly suitcase and a suitcase full of stickers lay under his bed, his perfume, shampoo and Pomade were on the washstand, and his initials were gilded on sandalwood toothbrushes. I don't like Kalanda. In the smoking room, I asked for a pack of solitaire, and just as I was about to start, a man came up to me and said hello. "I'm Kalanda," he said, sitting down in front of me, grinning with a row of snow-white teeth. "Oh, we seem to be in the same room.""I'm glad to hear you're British. "Are You British?""of course, I'm an Englishman to the core," he said, taking out his passport and handing it to me. "would you like something to drink?" He asked. I began to wonder. Prohibition was in force in the United States, and not a drop was to be found on board, but Kalanda smiled slyly at me. "whiskey, soda or cocktail, just say the word," he said, taking two bottles from his back pocket and setting them on the table in front of me, i asked the waiter for two glasses and some ice. "well, that's good," I said. "Yes, I have many more of these, and you can call all your friends if you have any on board," I said nothing. Then he told me about New York and the San Francisco, about theater, painting and politics. He was very talkative, and for a long time he was the only one who talked. I Got a little bored and picked up my cards again. "Do you like card tricks?""No." I hate him again. "I'll show you one." He pulled out three cards and handed them to me. But I ignored him and said I was going to the restaurant to find a seat. "Oh, good, I've made reservations for us. I think we should sit together." I don't like Kalanda. Not only did he share my room, but he had to eat three meals a day at the same table as me. No matter where I am, I can't get rid of him. If I were in my house, I would slam the door in his face and let him know he was persona non grata. On her third day on the ship, Kalanda was so sociable that she got to know almost everyone. He does everything: he presides over auctions, raises money for sports, organizes golf tournaments, arranges concerts, and holds masquerades. I guess people kind of hate him. We called him Mr. know-it-all, even in front of him. He didn't mind it as a compliment. Kalanda is very talkative and likes to argue with others, especially at the table. We couldn't stand it, but we couldn't get him to stop. He seems to know better than anyone, and mistakes don't seem to happen to him. If anyone spoke against him when he was speaking, he would argue with him endlessly. He will never give up on a topic, no matter how unimportant it is, until he convinces you. One night, as we sat at the Doctor's table, Kalanda went on and on as usual. Also present are Aaron Ramsey and his wife, who work at the American consulate in Kobe. Aaron Ramsey was a sturdy fellow, his skin taut and his slightly portly belly bulging out of his clothes. This time he returned to Kobe with his wife. His wife has been alone in New York for a year. Mrs. Aaron Ramsey looked very lovely. Although her husband's salary was not very high, and she dressed simply, she knew how to wear her clothes, which made her more attractive than the average woman. It was a demure beauty. I could tell Aaron Ramsey hated Miranda. They argued from time to time, and the arguments were long and bitter. At this point, the topic was the cultured pearls being carried out by the astute Japanese. Kalanda told us a lot about pearls. I'm sure Aaron Ramsey doesn't know much about this, but he won't miss an opportunity to disprove Kalinda. Soon we were involved in a heated argument. At first, Kalanda was in high spirits, talking a lot, but soon he was getting a little tired of it himself. In the end, he was obviously stung by Aaron Ramsey's remark, "I can tell you that I have the most say in this," rapped the table. I've come to Japan to discuss the pearl business. There is no one who knows this business who does not think that what I have just said is true," he said, glancing triumphantly at those around him. "I know the prices of all the pearls, and there is not one that I can not identify at once," he said, pointing to the necklace worn by Mrs. Aaron Ramsey, "your pearl necklace is very valuable, madam, and its price is going up," said Mrs. Ramsay, blushing as she slipped it into her dress. "Do you think it's a natural pearl?" Aaron Ramsey seemed to have something on Kalinda. "Yes, it's very delicate," replied Kalanda. "Okay. "I didn't buy it, but I was wondering, how much do you think it's worth?" Aaron Ramsey smirked. "It's $15,000 in a normal market, but you can get it for $13,000 on Fifth Street, the busiest street in America.". "My wife bought it in a department store before she left New York, and it only cost $18." Kalanda's face turned red. "nonsense, the pearl is not only real, it's the best of several I know," Aaron Ramsey urged. "you want to Bet? I'll bet you $100 it's a replica.". ‘Yes,'said Mrs. Aaron Ramsey. ‘No, Aaron Ramsey, how can you bet on a fact?'. "why not? It would be a fool to give up such an easy chance to get money.""but you can't prove it's a copy?""show it to me, and I'll know if it's real or not," said Kalanda. "show it to the gentleman, my dear," said Mrs. Aaron Ramsey hesitantly, her hands clasped together as if she were considering something. Impatient to wait, Aaron Ramsey came over and took the necklace off himself and handed it to her. I had a foreboding that something bad was going to happen. Kalanda took out a magnifying glass and looked at it carefully. In a moment a smile of triumph flashed across his face. As he handed the necklace to Aaron Ramsey, who was about to speak, he saw how white Mrs. Aaron Ramsey's face was, as if she were going to faint. Her eyes looked at Kalinda, a desperate plea. I'm surprised Aaron Ramsey didn't see this. Kalanda's mouth was half open and she did not speak for half a day. I could see he was trying to change something. "I was wrong," he said at last. "It's a very good imitation, and eighteen dollars is just right." He took $100 from his wallet and handed it to Aaron Ramsey without another word. "maybe this will teach you not to be so self-righteous in the future," exulted Aaron Ramsey. I noticed Kalanda's hands were shaking. The story soon spread throughout the ship, and Kalanda had to endure ridicule and ridicule. For Mr. know-it-all, it was a joke. But Mrs. Aaron Ramsey never came out. She was said to have a headache. The next morning, as I got up to shave, Kalanda lay in bed smoking a cigar. Suddenly a toot toot toot sound, a letter from under the door in. I opened the door and there was no one outside. I picked up the envelope with the words "to Kalanda" printed on it. I handed him the letter: "Where Did It come from?" He opened the envelope. "Oh?" It wasn't a letter, it was a $100 bill. He took one look at me, then ripped the envelope to shreds and threw it through the hatch. "No one wants to be seen as a fool," he said. "is that Pearl Real?" I asked. "If I had a beautiful wife, I would never leave her alone in New York for a year," he said, taking out his wallet and putting $100 in it. By this time, I didn't think I liked Kalanda so much.

标题: 无所不知先生
作者: 毛姆
字数: 2722
简介: 一我在见到凯兰达之前就有点不喜欢他。第一次世界大战刚刚结束，横渡太平洋的航线非常繁忙，客舱是很难预订到的。我很高兴，弄到一个双人客舱，但当听